don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
