I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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