New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
