I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
