Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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