the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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