my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
