Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
