i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
