Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
