So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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