last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
