Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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