I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize