I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
