if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize