If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
