No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
These tits shall not be calmed
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