my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
