my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
