I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
