Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
