The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
