I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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