Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
