Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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