So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they need to just BURY HIM!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
