Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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