And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
