This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
