Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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