Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
