if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
