Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize