Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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