What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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