Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
