I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
