I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
