I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
