I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
