Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
