remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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