Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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