I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize