I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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