I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
