yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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