It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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