Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
high people should be assigned attendants
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
