But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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