You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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