i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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