I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
