you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
where are you?
Hypothermia
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
