I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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