This dress was meant to end up on your floor
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
