Already got asked if we're dating
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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