I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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