Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
