Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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