i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
