I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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