We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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