im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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