youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
