I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
