Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
